Networking Event Dread: When Professional Socializing Feels Performative and Uncomfortable

The email arrives announcing a networking event, and your stomach drops. You imagine a room full of people making small talk, exchanging business cards, performing confidence you don't feel. You'd rather do almost anything else. Maybe you can skip it. Maybe no one will notice you're not there.

If networking events fill you with dread, you're not alone—and you're not defective. The standard networking format privileges extroverted communication styles and can feel genuinely uncomfortable for people whose strengths lie elsewhere. But avoiding networking entirely isn't the answer. Instead, you can develop approaches that work with your personality rather than against it.

Why Traditional Networking Feels Wrong

Conventional networking advice often assumes you should work the room, meet as many people as possible, and deliver polished elevator pitches on command. For introverts and others who prefer depth over breadth, this approach feels exhausting and inauthentic.

The performative aspect compounds the discomfort. Networking events can feel like everyone is acting: pretending to be more confident, more interested, more successful than they actually feel. Participating in this performance can seem dishonest, especially if you value authenticity.

Additionally, the transactional undertone of networking bothers many people. The implicit message—connect with people because they might be useful to you—conflicts with values around genuine relationship and intrinsic worth. Using people feels wrong, even when framed as professional development.

These concerns are valid. But networking doesn't have to mean what you fear. Reframing both the purpose and the method can transform it from ordeal into opportunity.

Reframing What Networking Actually Is

At its core, networking is simply building professional relationships. That's it. The schmoozy, card-collecting, self-promoting version is one approach, but it's not the only one—and it's often not the most effective.

Strong professional networks are built on genuine connection, mutual respect, and ongoing relationship, not single interactions at crowded events. The person who meets fifty people superficially gains less than the person who has three meaningful conversations.

Networking is also about learning, not just self-promotion. Every professional you meet knows things you don't. Approaching conversations with curiosity—genuinely interested in what others do and think—creates more connection than talking about yourself.

Finally, networking benefits others, not just you. You have knowledge, perspectives, and potential contributions. Connecting with others isn't just about what they can do for you—it's also about what you might offer them. This reframe can make networking feel less extractive.

Strategies for Introverts and Reluctant Networkers

Prepare before events. Research who might attend. Identify a few people you'd particularly like to meet. Think about questions you might ask. Preparation reduces anxiety and helps you make the most of limited social energy.

Set manageable goals. Rather than trying to meet everyone, aim to have two or three meaningful conversations. Quality over quantity reduces pressure and plays to introverted strengths.

Arrive early when events are smaller and less overwhelming. It's easier to start conversations when the room isn't already full of established clusters. You can also position yourself near the entrance to naturally meet people as they arrive.

Bring a conversation partner if possible. Having someone you know provides a home base and makes it easier to approach others together. Just avoid spending the entire event talking only to each other.

Take breaks as needed. Step outside for air. Find a quiet corner for a few minutes. Networking events don't require constant interaction. Managing your energy helps you stay present when you are conversing.

Follow up after events. The conversation at the event is just the beginning. A thoughtful follow-up email can develop a brief interaction into a genuine connection. This is where introverted strengths—thoughtful communication, deep engagement—really shine.

Alternative Networking Approaches

Traditional networking events aren't the only way to build professional relationships. Consider approaches that might suit you better.

One-on-one informational interviews allow for the depth of conversation that introverts prefer. Reaching out to professionals for coffee or a phone call creates connection without the performative pressure of events.

Professional associations offer committee work, volunteer opportunities, and smaller gatherings where relationships develop through shared work rather than forced socializing.

Online professional communities provide connection without the draining aspects of in-person events. Thoughtful participation in LinkedIn discussions, professional forums, or field-specific communities builds visibility and relationships.

Conference sessions and workshops offer natural conversation topics with people who share your specific interests. Discussing the content provides easier entry than generic small talk.

What to Actually Say

If conversation itself feels difficult, having go-to questions helps. Some options:

• What are you working on these days that you're excited about?
• How did you get into public health?
• What's something you wish you'd known earlier in your career?
• Have you seen any sessions or resources here that you'd recommend?

These questions invite genuine sharing rather than surface-level exchange. They show interest in the other person and often lead to substantive conversation.

When people ask about you, have a brief, authentic answer ready. You don't need a polished elevator pitch—just a clear sense of who you are and what you're interested in. Something like: "I'm completing my MPH with a focus on health equity, and I'm especially interested in how community-based organizations approach chronic disease prevention."

Building a Network That Fits You

Your professional network doesn't need to look like anyone else's. An introvert with a small network of deep, genuine relationships often has more career support than an extrovert with hundreds of shallow connections.

Focus on authenticity over performance. Build relationships over time through consistent, meaningful interaction rather than trying to manufacture connection at single events. Play to your strengths—deep listening, thoughtful follow-up, genuine curiosity.

Networking events will probably never be your favorite activity. But they don't have to be torture. With preparation, realistic goals, and approaches aligned with your personality, you can build the professional relationships that support a meaningful public health career.